I’m not good with change – at all. This may be why I think I’m a good match for my current job – I work with seniors and (most of them anyways) prefer familiarity over change, too. This may also explain why Kenz and I had a long engagement (besides the fact that I really didn’t want to plan a wedding, either).
I’m also not usually a spontaneous person. Sometimes, if I have plans for the night/weekend/whatever (even if those plans consist of household chores or watching a certain movie) and something way more interesting/fun/exciting comes up, I have a little bit of anxiety since I want to do that new plan but it is so last minute! And I haven’t had time to work it into my day! And, scariest of all, it’s a sudden change from what I was originally going to do (even if those plans are boring as heck)! So, I’ve been working at getting better at this – the ability to say yes to a last minute plan with a friend or Kenz when I haven’t had time to mentally prepare for it. Kenz has even noticed a positive change in me regarding this, too. Maybe I’m just a bit of a hermit – and I’m okay with that, too, but there needs to be a balance and he is helping me achieve that.
Last night, Kev and I were talking about how for the longest time, he was renting a home (and not buying one). He is the opposite of me (if you haven’t figured that out yet lol) and lives on the edge of his seat. He’s okay with change. He’s okay with spontaneity and last minute decision making. This is another reason why our relationship works. Anyways, Kevin chose to rent at the time because he was actively applying for crane jobs around the world. He got very close to going to Dubai, but then his company lost that contract. Apparently Australia was another option at some point. I said, “wouldn’t that be neat to go and live there for a year?” Even though it’s not even currently an option (and international crane jobs with Kevin’s company are not common anymore, anyways), we decided to discuss if we would/could move to Australia for a while and almost started arguing about it. Like life doesn’t present enough actual/real situations to fight about – let’s argue about something that’s not even an option hahaha.
Initially, I was like “oh yeah, let’s do it.” Then Kevin brought up some good points: we own a home here now (I said we would rent it out), the salary would have to be justified to live in Australia (it’s more expensive to live there) and most importantly, he didn’t think I would be okay with living that far away from my family (we are currently 20 minutes from my parents). He mentioned that I’ve finally become comfortable calling this place home (honestly, it took a long time for me to consider this home – another example of how I’m very slow to warm up to change – even positive change) and would I be okay with uprooting myself to someplace international? So basically, he had some very valid points. There would be lots to consider, clearly.
But, I would hope that if an amazing opportunity like that ever came up – and the only thing holding us back was me being a scaredy cat – that I would be able to just do it. Because how awesome would an opportunity like that be?!
So clearly, I have problems with change. And also goodbyes. This whole blog idea came from watching this video that Kevin showed me. At one point, I was like “he doesn’t die, does he?!” But honestly, obviously not, because who would plan a commercial that involves someone dying? That doesn’t even make sense hahaha. Anyways, grab some Kleenex before watching. And if you clicked that link before you read those instructions, sucks to be you hahaha. Seriously though, between a commercial like that and then those Budweiser Clydesdales (also here), Kleenex is becoming a necessity on our coffee table hahaha. (Side note, did not like the commercial this year…why change a good thing, Budweiser?)
Since our eyes are still wet at this point, let me leave you with one final anecdote. One of our past instructors at work died last week. His wife called our work the day after the funeral to discuss some details about a project her husband had been working on for us. She was telling my coworker how he died peacefully in the hospital, surrounded by family, and was cognitive right until the end. Some of his final parting words were to apologize to his wife by saying, “sorry that we won’t be able to celebrate our 65th wedding anniversary together this summer.” Parting words. An apology to his wife about not being able to continue their love story.
I have to go grab a Kleenex myself now.