Forgive and Forget?

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Last week, I was told by someone that I will not be able to move past something that has happened to me, without forgiving first.

I told them that I disagree.

I have learned that sometimes, you are hurt so much by someone that this is not possible. Not only is it impossible, but the thought of even being able to forgive that said person is unfathomable. Instead, you decide to simply eliminate them from your life. And instead of putting all of your energy into trying to forgive someone, you instead focus on you. You focus hard on trying to put the pieces back together of what that other person left behind. You focus really hard on trying to move forward with having the hurt caused by that other person now be a part of your life. You focus hardest on not remaining angry over that person, as you know that eventually that anger will only hurt yourself.

All of that focus is a lot of work. A lot of effort. A lot of constant battling with yourself. There is no energy left to even think about forgiving someone who is clearly not even apologetic. So instead, you decide to simply eliminate them from your life.

And go back to rebuilding your own.

I did not explain all of that to the person who gave me the initial advice. I knew she wouldn’t agree anyways and this was not worth an argument to me. Maybe she’s just a more easy-going person than me. Maybe she’s never been hurt like I was. Maybe she was born with an innate forgiving trait that I wasn’t. Who knows. What I do know is that I am working hard at moving on from a situation that hurt me deeply. And I am doing so without forgiving that person. What they did was unforgivable and they don’t deserve to be forgiven.IMG_1583 (1)A day after this conversation, the above quote popped up in my social media feed. Apparently Facebook thinks the way I’m dealing with things is wrong, too.

goodbye-for-now-blog

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3 thoughts on “Forgive and Forget?

  1. Sarah, I truly believe also that you have to “let go”. Forgiving is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do. I know that by not forgiving there can be a huge separation in a person’s life and also in the people that surround them such as family and friends. Lack of forgiveness mushrooms. I can attest to this as it exits in my family and has caused a lot of grief for a lot of people. Take care, Friend

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    • I think forgiving is needed if you eventually want to have another type of relationship with the person who initially hurt you. It would be different if this was a person who I used to be really close to, as I have had to forgive in those circumstances. But that was done just for the sake of loving them enough to want to continue having a relationship with them. In those circumstances, the history of our past “good relationship” was more important to me than that one particular incident of hurt.

      That is not the case here. It has been years of hurt and I never enjoyed having this person in my life. In my eyes, there is no need to forgive them and I am positive that I can find a way to move on from this without doing so.

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